My dear single ladies, I decided to pen these thoughts I’d always had because there’s the need to keep saying it.
Love is a beautiful thing and a good marriage, is something worth experiencing in one’s lifetime.
But I have noticed that these two (love and marriage) always come easily to those who don’t think so much about it, even those who say they don’t want it, than those who desire it so much, dream of it, and anxiously anticipate it.
Many mistakes many single women make are putting their lives on hold, stopping pursuing the things that are important to them, basically stop living their happy lives, and thinking marriage is what’s next to complete them. Let me shock you. Love and marriage come to you when you’re not thinking so much about them. Like, you don’t see them coming.
First of, you’re not incomplete. You’re whole. You do not need anyone to complete you. Marriage is about two complete individuals coming to add value to each other’s lives. Not one person coming to complete the other.
The other day, Maryann and I got talking and I asked her, “So after marriage, what next?” And she was silent for a while. Apparently, she had never given much thought to life after marriage. She was so focused on getting that man first and she was putting all her energy and waking hours into it. If you act like this, you’re already at the risk of meeting those men looking for a woman to take advantage of. These kinds of men smell desperation from afar and they take advantage of it. Because where you should be studying his character and personality, you’re busy picking wedding dresses and wondering how soon he’ll propose.
Two things.
First, get so busy and in love with your life that anyone coming into it would have to earn the right to be in your life. Enjoy your company. Being alone is not a curse. Make friends. Build lifelong relationships that would stand the test of time. Invest in yourself. Learn a skill. Start a business. Climb up the corporate ladder. Take yourself out, visit fun places. Commit to learning something new everyday. Be exciting and live an exciting life. Do things you love. Travel, sing, write, read. Hang out with friends. These are things that give one a full life. And what many do not know is, these are the things that would attract that man. There’s nothing as alluring and magnetic as a woman who loves herself.
In a relationship, you should have stories, experiences, lessons, and projections that show you are going somewhere. It helps everyone know what to expect. It tells if it would work from the get-go and helps everyone find ways to either fit in or walk away.
This is a time to pour into yourself. Love yourself. That man coming into your life needs to see you already living an amazing life he wants to be a part of. He would want to fall in love with how you think and view life. Now, if you haven’t been pouring into yourself, what would you talk about on a first date if you can’t even hold an interesting 2 hour conversation on practically any topic?
Secondly, and this is the most important, fall in love with God. God is love. No one will love you more or better than God. His love gives the blueprint you’ll use to view what any man is offering. It has to be a reflection of God’s love. Now if you have no idea or have no love relationship with God, how do you gauge how genuine what that man is offering is? This is where a lot of women miss it. Discernment comes from a deep love relationship with God and it would help you sieve all the undesirables.
Always remember this: you’re the queen to be wooed. Don’t ever become the hunter.
- Joy Mfon Essien is an Entrepreneur and the CEO, of Discover Essence Media, Millionaire Woman Soapworks and Delicioso Foods. Writer, TV presenter and producer, Wellness Coach and mom of two.
