I never thought I’d say this, but here we are. After all these months, I finally got it. You told me yourself, right before you walked away and never looked back. You said, “I’m a narcissist, but you’ll never understand.”
I didn’t understand that day, but I do now. And let me tell you, learning about narcissism was one of the most eye-opening experiences of my life. I couldn’t believe it at first. I mean, it seemed so extreme and wicked. But then I read up on it, and the pieces of our relationship began to make so much sense.
At first, it was shocking to hear that I had been involved with someone who, according to everything I read, had such a severe lack of empathy. But when I started looking back at everything—the gaslighting, the manipulation, the constant need for validation—it was all there. The signs were so obvious in hindsight. I remember so many times when I felt like I was losing myself, questioning my reality because of the way you’d twist things. “That didn’t happen,” you’d say. “You’re being too sensitive.” And I believed you.
I believed I was overreacting.
I believed I wasn’t good enough.
I believed something was very wrong with me – like I was broken deeply. But it’s you who’s deeply broken.
You were using me as a source of admiration and supply. The way you’d suck the life out of me, only to give me just enough to keep me hooked—it all makes sense now. It was all about you.
It wasn’t just the gaslighting, though. It was the constant need to be the centre of attention, always to have things go your way and your complete lack of concern for how your actions affected me. When I didn’t meet your needs (which were endless and shifting), I was the problem. I didn’t appreciate you enough, or I didn’t give you the attention you deserved. But no matter how much I gave, it was never enough for you, was it?
Reading about narcissism helped me realise that I wasn’t crazy. I wasn’t imagining things. Your behaviour wasn’t normal, and I wasn’t the one with the problem. I was so caught up in trying to please you that I lost track of myself. But not anymore.
What’s funny is how you never even seemed to care about the relationship itself. It was all about your image, your ego, and how you could use me to prop it up. You didn’t want a partner—you wanted someone to validate your existence, to feed your self-worth.
And now, I imagine your new partner is your new “supply.” I’m sure she’s buying into all the charm, the sweet talk, and the promises of forever, but I know better now. Good luck to her.
As for me, I’m thankful I got out – as painful as it was. I’m not angry, just relieved. I see the pattern, I see the manipulation, and I’m now even more grateful that you discarded me and I am picking my pieces back together again.
The best part of all this is knowing that I’m free. I’m not stuck in a toxic cycle anymore.
So, here’s to you and your newest supply. I hope you get whatever you need from her, but don’t think for a second I’ll ever be part of that game again. I learned my lesson the hard way, but it was a lesson I needed to learn. I know better now, and I’m moving on.
I hear you asked about me the other day. I know that narcissists can look for old flames to try to suck more ‘supply’ from them. This will not be me so please, stop trying to reach me. I do not want to be reached.
Apart from these letters, I have no intention of ever re-connecting with you.
Maybe last month, I would have considered reconnecting with you but knowing what I know now about your narcissism, I would never come 1000 feet from you.
They say when you know better, you do better. I know better and I am doing better going forward.
Regards,
Your Ex-Girlfriend.
- Dear Ex-Boyfriend” is a fictional relationship column written by Ese Walter, reflecting on past experiences with a fictional ex. Readers are encouraged to share their own stories by submitting letters for possible publication. Submissions can be sent to esewalter@gmail.com
