Many people go through situations that test you in all ramifications. Life always happens to people. Sometimes it’s even your good intentions that blow up in your face. By and large, mistakes are made, responsibilities are taken, experiences and mindsets are formed, and lessons are learned.
The downside is, if not checked, trauma can easily become bitterness, especially in cases that were quite intense with deep pain inflicted and things were not handled properly. Building walls to prevent a repeat in the future is human and understandable, but it could lead to a broken spirit and bitterness.
How can you tell if you’re bitter?
- Passive Aggressiveness. When you act like you’re good, you’re ok but there’s this underlying hostility that always threatens to erupt if care is not taken. And no matter how many times people try to approach you on the matter, you still maintain that it’s all good. There’s also no missing those snide remarks that are always harsh and cut deeply. Passive aggressiveness is a sign of unresolved issues.
- Resisting Help. Bitter people are not always easy to help, no matter how pure your intentions. Because of past experiences, they have grown weary of people and are suspicious of every move. Somehow, the psyche of a bitter person tells them people are out to get them and so they always question and check motives. And never miss an opportunity to let you know they don’t need your help.
- Always Talking About The Past. Because they’re still stuck there, they never are able to move on. They judge you based on past experiences and also view life from same lenses. It’s always what someone did to them 20 years ago or what they suffered in a previous marriage or something from their past they hold on tightly to.
- Generalizing. Picture a lady who was jilted by a guy from a certain tribe or ethnicity. Suddenly, everyone from that part of the country is like that and should never be trusted. They were scammed by a smooth talker in suit and somehow, every fluent person in a suit becomes a con artist to them. The saying, “they’re like that” or “that’s how they all are” are among the things they’re fond of saying.
- Jealous. Bitterness gives way for such things as jealousy and envy to thrive. You are happy and always smiling or in a good mood and it’ll become a problem to them. Truth is, they’re jealous you still have a reason to smile when they can’t find a reason to.
- Hard to Advise. If you find it difficult taking advise, check yourself and do an emergency internal audit. Oh, they’re difficult to advise. You can’t advise or counsel a bitter person. They don’t even listen to anyone or themselves. So how can you possibly advise? One thing about not being able to take advise, counsel or correction is that such persons tend to be unnecessarily defensive and tend to argue a lot.
- Don’t Like Cheerful People. I don’t know why but they’re often irritated and turned off by cheerfulness. Have you ever seen a bitter person who is cheerful and lively? Your answer is as good as mine.
- Highly Opinionated. If your opinion is always the best and you never pause to consider other views, do very well to check for bitterness. Because such people are hard to advise, counsel, always generalising and argue a lot, they tend to be highly opinionated. They don’t listen to nobody. And they tend to enforce their opinions.
- Assume the Worst of People. They don’t trust people, they believe people are out to get them, they don’t accept help, why? For people who often generalise, this is because they assume the worst of people. To them, people are always up to no good.
- Very Critical. They criticize and find fault with everything and everyone. They rarely compliment or express gratitude.
If you recognize these traits, you’ll need to sit with yourself and get to the root of the matter. Get professional help, if you must.
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- Joy Mfon Essien is an Entrepreneur and the CEO, of Discover Essence Media, Millionaire Woman Soapworks and Delicioso Foods. Writer, TV presenter and producer, Wellness Coach and mom of two.
