The thing about the reasons I’m about to share is this: initially, they never seem strong enough until you’re neck deep and suffocating in a relationship. But it’s always good to notice it immediately and walk away. And even if you’re neck deep already, it’s never too late to take a detour and change course.
Many times emphasis is always only made on cases of infidelity and violence but there are many other cases that are just as bad but never brought to the front burner because they’re not as obvious or glaring as the aforementioned. I’m going to share the stories and experiences of several women to help us paint a clearer picture. Kindly note that names are not real.
Claire was raised a Christian and so was her partner. She was very actively serving in church before marriage. Somehow, due to her partner’s lax attitude towards the things of God, her relationship with God started to suffer. It got so bad to a point where they’d go for months without going to church. Her partner wasn’t leading the home in this area and with growing children who needed to be taught early about the things of God, this became a source of concern to Claire. She got a call from her mom oll, one day, urging her to find a grounded place of worship and take her kids ASAP. And Claire agreed. Problems started the moment she found a place. By the time her partner came around, she was already too grounded in her place of worship to trust him again to lead the home spiritually. He found a place that wasn’t at par and she wasn’t ready to risk any compromise.
John was not who or what he claimed to be. If anything, he was the exact opposite of any image he portrayed. One thing he kept drumming in his fiance’s head was the fact that he hated lies and would never stomach it in any relationship. A few months into the marriage, Julia found out he wasn’t only a vicious liar, who lied over the most insignificant things, his bothered on integrity. Worse still, he never saw he had a problem. A serious one at that. Over the years, he had successfully taught his family his words weren’t worth anything could never be trusted.
Thelma always tried to thrash issues as a way of resolving them but she decided to give up years later when she realised that issues where never resolved. Rather, they kept getting worse and this was due to the fact that her partner was unwilling to grow, improve himself, talk more of grow with her. Eventually, they grew in separate directions, wanting different things and seeing life through different lenses.
Carlota always knew she was made for more and was already reaching for the stars when Bradley happened to her. They got married and her life took a different turn from where she was headed. Things came to a head when she started trying to get back to the path she used to be on, having observed that where he was leading her led to nowhere. But she was ready to kiss that relationship goodbye than continue the way things were.
Chuck had this habit of always throwing Isabella under the bus for no just cause other than to gain sympathy, look good, innocent or be a victim. If he had to lie, he did it without batting an eyelid, especially when she wasn’t present to defend herself. And so negative stories about her were flying around town which she was only lucky to be privy to a few. The whole essence of being a cover and shielding the weaker vessel was completely lost on him.
It all ended when Isabella decided she had had enough.
The next time you hear news of the end of a relationship you once admired, rather than express shock, disappointment and commence criticism, pause and consider what the affected one had to endure and put up with before throwing in the towel. And if these reasons are not cogent enough, well, you probably have sisters or daughters. You can send them in to manage the situation better.
- Joy Mfon Essien is an Entrepreneur and the CEO, of Discover Essence Media, Millionaire Woman Soapworks and Delicioso Foods. Writer, TV presenter and producer, Wellness Coach and mom of two.
