Dear Ex-Boyfriend,
This will be the last letter I write to you.
As the year draws to a close, I am drawing many things to a close in my life too.
Last night I was thinking about all that’s behind me and also all that’s in front of me when it dawned on me that I have been more fixated on what’s behind me than on what’s in front of me
I’m tired of looking back.
I’m tired of writing these letters.
I’m tired of stitching together memories, good and bad, and carrying them around like chains around my neck.
The letters have become things that say I can’t move past you. I’m tired of replaying our story, searching for clues, trying to understand what could’ve been different, or how it all fell apart.
Initially, writing these letters as a way to heal felt like the right thing to do. It helped me untangle all the knots you left in me. But now, I’m starting to see that writing to you has been my way of holding on.
Holding on to the hope that maybe, just maybe, I could undo and redo something else.
But I don’t want that anymore.
I’ve spent too much time reliving our story. Trying to understand why things fell apart and why I didn’t stand up for myself soon enough.
Truth is, I’m not that person anymore. The version of me that loved you, waited for you, hurt because of you—that version deserves to rest.
This year has been full of lessons, and the biggest one is this: I cannot move forward if I keep looking back.
I’ve held on to an idea of you, that, when I really think about it, sis jor exist. You weren’t as committed to me as my mind now makes it seem.
All this while I have carried on like my life cannot go on without you but I see now that you are just a chapter in my story—not the whole book.
You were my first real love, and I’ll always cherish those memories but holding on to what we were has stopped me from fully embracing who I am and who I want to be.
I don’t want to carry this old story into the new year. It’s too heavy, and I’m ready to let it go.
So, as I write this final letter, I want to thank you.
Thank you for teaching me how to love, how to feel deeply, and how to dream of a future with someone else.
Thank you for showing me what I don’t want—the pain, the betrayal, the waiting… the walking on eggshells and holding my tongue so you stay with me.
I am better at setting boundaries because of those experiences.
I am better at speaking about what I want and don’t want.
I am better at choosing myself, listening to myself and trusting that which comes from within myself.
You know what’s strange?
I am, in this moment, feeling grateful and a little sad at the same time.
It’s like I’m mourning what we had while also being thankful for it.
I don’t feel angry or bitter. Instead, I feel ready.. Ready to close the door on this chapter and walk into what’s next.
There’s so much life waiting for me, so much joy and possibility, and I’m finally ready to claim it.
I want to love again, fully and freely, without comparing or holding back.
I want to wake up each morning and look forward instead of back.
This is not an easy goodbye.
If anything, it’s bittersweet. But it is also the best way to start a new chapter and new year. You cannot rewrite a story that has already ended, and I no longer want to.
So, here’s to moving forward. To leaving behind what no longer serves me. To embracing the unknown with open arms.
Life is calling, and I intend to answer.
Goodbye, Ex-Boyfriend.
Sincerely,
Your Ex-Girlfriend
- Dear Ex-Boyfriend” is a fictional relationship column written by Ese Walter, reflecting on past experiences with a fictional ex. Readers are encouraged to share their own stories by submitting letters for possible publication. Submissions can be sent to esewalter@gmail.com
