Dear Ex-Boyfriend,
I was at the store picking out a new Christmas tree yesterday when I remembered the first and last Christmas I spent with you and your family. I had planned for that holiday more than I had ever planned for any holiday. I wanted everything to be perfect. I guess I hoped to leave a good first impression, especially on your mother. Whom you always spoke highly of.
I remember how excited I was. After weeks of phone calls with your parents, I was finally going to meet them. I imagined exciting welcomes and my welcome into my future family. But instead, I learned something I never had the courage to tell you. Until now.
That Christmas was the beginning of the end of what could have been our union. I’m sure you didn’t know that I knew this.
It started with your mother’s smile when you introduced us. She wore a look that seemed more like a mask than a greeting. When I mentioned it that night, you laughed it off and assured me, “That’s just how she is.” I wanted to believe you, so I did. Until Christmas morning.
I wanted to sneak into the kitchen to set up her surprise when I heard her voice. She was telling you, “She’s not the one for you. I don’t like her. You should go back to her.” I knew instantly who “her” was. Your ex. The one you told me everybody loved.
I froze. I didn’t know whether to get your attention or slip back to the room. I chose the latter. But not before I lingered for a moment, hoping to hear you defend me, defend us. Instead, you hugged her and said she had nothing to worry about.
The rest of that holiday, I smiled, laughed, and pretended, just like your mother had when she first greeted me. And I watched you pretend too. When you started coming up with reasons why we wouldn’t work long-term, I knew why. You weren’t choosing me. You were choosing her. Or maybe you were choosing to keep the peace with your mother, which, looking back, feels like the same thing.
I’ve spent years suppressing what I heard that morning.
I’ve wondered why I didn’t confront you.
Why did I let myself believe that our love could somehow win?
And why has it taken me this long to admit that I knew all along?
I sometimes wonder what else was a lie.
Were we both pretending, hoping that love could save us?
Or was it just me, trying hard to fit into a space that was never mine to fill?
What hurt the most wasn’t your mother’s disapproval—it was how you didn’t trust me enough to tell me the truth. It may be your fault that you couldn’t choose me, but it wasn’t your fault that your mother didn’t like me.
Still, I ask myself, should I have been with a man who needed his mother’s approval to love me? That’s something I’ll explore in my diary tonight.
My therapist thinks this is a healthy way to process everything that’s coming up for me this season. And she’s right.
This Christmas, with its quiet moments, is bringing up memories of your family, and it felt like the right time to finally share this: I heard your mum tell you to leave me.
I spent the months after that Christmas watching you break us apart with every lie you told.
I forgot to watch myself play along for 6 more months before you finally found reason to leave the relationship.
Marrying your ex a few months after the breakup.
My heartbreak is valid so is my decision to heal by revisiting these issues in these letters.
Merry Christmas in advance
Your Ex GF
- Dear Ex-Boyfriend” is a fictional relationship column written by Ese Walter, reflecting on past experiences with a fictional ex. Readers are encouraged to share their own stories by submitting letters for possible publication. Submissions can be sent to esewalter@gmail.com
