I don’t know how much of a thing hosting is these days but I figure it’s observed more by the upper class. Decades and even centuries ago, it was a major form of socialising. Before the advent of cinema, television, the games and concerts, having guests over and hosting them, alongside ballroom dancing and church activities were the only forms of socialising. These days, we have more options to choose from but having friends over remains one of the best and most intentional forms of building and sustaining relationships for years.
One of the things I grew up seeing my mom do with absolute class and finesse was hosting guests at home. She practically lived for these moments and she carried out her role as a hostess with the grace and charm of a high society British aristocrat. Only the best of her china made it to the dinner table but not without her gracious and welcoming smile and bubbly personality to match.
The hard knocks were reserved for me in the kitchen as I could be quite clumsy and completely clueless on the do’s and don’ts of hosting. Proper scolding and rebukes ensured I learned a thing or two… by force.
I still am yet to catch the hosting bug but whenever I put in the effort, I perform not too badly. The idea may not come from you to host. Sometimes, your partner may want to have a few friends and family over and the responsibility will fall on you. Other times, your friends will want to come over to hangout and you can’t keep turning them down. So, host, you must.
Some things I learned over the years and from experience that I would love to share and hopefully, you’ll find useful.
The golden rule about hosting is, it is more about creating that experience and making your guests feel welcome. It not really about you and your preferences but about them and that feeling of being thought of and appreciated. In this case, it’s attention to the minutest details that makes a huge difference and makes some hosts exceptional.
I remember hosting a friend and her hubby after their wedding and from the moment they walked in through the front door, the smell from the room freshener instantly made them relax, she couldn’t help but comment on how the smell made her feel.
I have also been hosted by an Indian family who really meant well but you see all the dishes on the table were 100% Indian. It was our first exposure to Indian cuisine. It was the heart and intention that mattered and we made sure to appreciate our hosts by eating everything but we suffered for it the next day as our stomachs ensured we paid dearly. It wasn’t funny in the loo. I still remember the morning after like it was today and this was some 12 years ago.
Remember it’s about your guests and what they’re comfortable with. I won’t have a Muslim over and serve them pork chops and alcohol when I know it’s against their beliefs. Or having Jewish friends over and serving them food that has blood in it.
Another thing to try and avoid at the dinner table are topics relating to politics and religion, unless you’re all on the same page. These are topics people are normally passionate about and can instantly change the mood and tone of the dining experience. I should even add conversations bordering on diet and weight loss. This one can be particularly hard for those who are struggling in this area. The pressure is real.
As a great host, you also want to get as much chores done as possible before your guests start arriving. That way, you’re able to spend more time socialising and interacting with them. There was a time I used to be so busy in the kitchen that when I was done, it was time for guests to start leaving.
Now to the guests.
There are guests that are always invited and those that stop getting invited. At events like this, you also bring your best behavior with you. That means you’re nice, polite, friendly and proper. No arrogance, show off or demeaning attitudes. Also, when invited, come alone, unless you’re told to come with a friend. If you’re married, the invitation always extends to your partner. If you want to come with someone, the polite thing to do is call your host and find out if it’s ok to do so.
I stopped inviting a friend over for dinner when he always showed up with others. Imagine planning for 20 people and then your friend makes it 22 people without notifying you. On this particular day, he came late, after I had shut down for the night, with a friend and I didn’t even have anything to give the friend. That was the lump that broke the camel’s back.
It also shows you are cultured when you show up with something for your host. A bottle of wine, flowers or any nice gift. You shouldn’t always show up empty handed.
- Joy Mfon Essien is an Entrepreneur and the CEO, of Discover Essence Media, Millionaire Woman Soapworks and Delicioso Foods. Writer, TV presenter and producer, Wellness Coach and mom of two.
