We were told to wait until after the general meeting. I always run away from meeting after meeting because they have a way of dragging us into more commitment. Our pockets and time get to pay heavily for it.
This meeting was no exception, and as I sat back grudgingly, I wasn’t disappointed. The financial commitment was stressed. Physical presence too. And then I sat back and asked myself, “How do we balance this?”
So many things demand our presence and contribution. There’s work, family, business, career, church and then friendships. They come pulling us mercilessly in different directions and we’re supposed to make them all work.
Today, we’re going to talk about balance. Because while it’s possible to have it all, one reality remains the same. We can’t have it all at the same time. So, while trying to balance things out, accept this fact and breathe easy.
I had picked my kids up from the children’s church and was heading to the parking lot when I heard my name. I looked up and it was the assistant women leader beckoning to come back for a brief meeting. I sighed. My plan to dodge this meeting didn’t work out as planned so I went back inside. The discussion was about the upcoming night vigil for women. Without asking if I could make it, I was tasked with the responsibility of leading the worship. They pretended they didn’t know I had two little children I was taking care of alone and daddy hadn’t been in town for months. Where was I supposed to keep the kids? Also, it was going to end by 2 am. If I dared to go with the kids, how was I to get back home at 2 am?
I decided not to be offended by the insensitivity. I politely declined and told them I wouldn’t be available. Body language showed they were disappointed, but it didn’t matter.
There are so many other situations which after considering, you’ll have to decide what’s best for you. It’s called boundaries. Boundaries show you respect yourself and it would also teach people how to treat you.
Anna called Mercy and asked if bringing her kids over for a few hours was okay so she could run a quick errand. Mercy, who didn’t know how to say no, cancelled an appointment to take care of Anna’s kids and had hidden resentment afterwards because her schedule was affected. All she had to do was tell Anna no and explain that this was impromptu and that she already had her schedule planned.
Learning to say no is key to maintaining balance. You already have the weekend planned out for a family trip or a peaceful weekend of rest and a colleague who isn’t disciplined with time and never meets deadlines, calls to ask if you can stay back an extra three hours after work to help them work on a report. This person is always doing this and always coming to you because others have learned to say no but you haven’t.
Learn to say no, politely.
You cannot and will not always be there for everyone. With time, people will get to understand you’re not a pushover and will treat you the way you treat yourself.
Another thing that helps us maintain balance is outsourcing and delegating. This is especially for super moms. You cannot and must not do everything by yourself. You have to go to the market. Then pick the kids up from school but you have to go to the bank first to submit something and you’re not yet done with laundry or cleaning. And it’s Friday. The school will soon close and the bank too. OUTSOURCE!
How about paying someone two or three times a week to clean? How about paying for school bus services? How about getting a trusted hand to help run market errands? This way you’ll be more relaxed to help kids with their homework. We can’t do everything.
Delegating also means getting everyone at home to commit to doing 1 or 2 chores themselves. Little children can start learning to pick up after themselves and learn how to put away stuff and make their beds, among other things.
Another important thing that brings balance into our lives is deciding what is important to you and what isn’t. This will help determine what you should be focused on and what shouldn’t be stealing your time. Knowing where you are headed, and what you want, helps you easily identify things that aren’t related. That way, you don’t get entangled in things that don’t serve you. As a businessperson, I already have my eyes set on a particular path and then someone comes up with this brilliant idea, suggestion or project that sounds exciting. Unfortunately, it runs parallel to where I’m headed. Because I already know what is important to me at this time and I already know the direction I’m headed, there’s no way I will be pulled in that direction.
You do not have to take on so much at a time. You’re not here to impress anyone. It’s better to add one thing at a time to your plate as you move along than take on too many things at once. You’ll only end up worn out and unsatisfied. Maybe unfulfilled too. Time for yourself is very important. Once this is distorted everything comes loose. It doesn’t make sense to be pulled in so many directions that you don’t even have time for yourself. Time to stop and smell the roses. Time to breathe. Time to think.
- Joy Mfon Essien is an Entrepreneur and the CEO, of Discover Essence Media, Millionaire Woman Soapworks and Delicioso Foods. Writer, TV presenter and producer, Wellness Coach and mom of two.
