The diary of a single mum
There was a time I met a guy at the store, months after I had my baby, and it didn’t take long before we started going on dates and talking for long hours. The frequency of our conversations and meetings was just right, it gave me something to always look forward to while trying to balance dating and being a mom.
After a while, the frequency began to change and at first, I didn’t notice but when I did, I started a long review so that I can have enough proof to present when we address it. But it was difficult to even get him to talk to me enough for me to bring it up.
Eventually, I brought it up on a chat and he didn’t respond immediately. I started to feel down as I would nurse my baby and try to focus on other things. At this time, I had lost my job so I got a part-time contract job that didn’t pay well but it was manageable.
After what seemed like years, he finally reached out to me for us to talk. When we did, I asked him point blank why he ghosted me for almost 2 weeks and he said he had been doing some thinking and wasn’t sure how to bring it up with me and he didn’t want me to feel bad. He didn’t want me to feel bad? The best way to do that was to ghost me! Was he alright in his head? My thoughts screamed loudly in my head.
He said he talked to his sister and a friend about me as he was really excited about me. He was happy to have a baby to play with but he said his sister questioned my decision to date. I wrinkled my brows and before I could react, he continued. He said while they spoke about it, his sister said my baby is not even up to a year and I’m already going on dates, which makes her see me as an irresponsible person. A mother should devote her time to taking care of her child, not thinking but dating at this time. Ehn? What did I just hear?
I didn’t know what to say at that point. My thoughts were racing in my head. When he didn’t hear me say anything, he continued talking about what his friend had said that it would be weird for him to engage in sex with me because I’m still going to be ‘wide’ in there and that is repulsive to him. I asked him what he said in response to all these because it’s his decision and not theirs. He said he is very sorry but he can’t continue dating me because he had a lot to think about and he can’t be with a single mom. I said, he should have told me the very day so I wouldn’t have had to invest time and emotions in it. I told him because I am a mom doesn’t mean I can’t date and be happy, no one can tell me to act the way society deems fit, at the expense of my happiness or peace of mind. The very fact that some people think such and openly express that opinion means they are limited in their thinking. He apologized again and said he hopes we can be friends. Friends? Boo-freaking-hoo!
The rest of the week felt different and painful because I felt like I received a blow and was still reeling in pain. My self-esteem plummeted more and it made me stay in my shell for a while.
One month later, I met my first boyfriend post-baby, who I dated for 2 years.
