You won’t believe what I found out. Or maybe you will. Since discovering your bipolar diagnosis, I have been studying personality disorders and mental health issues. I don’t think we have much information about these and I was beyond shocked and also happy to find the information that led me to go for an assessment. Read More…
February turned out to be my most inspiring month. Not to mention the most love-filled. Which is crazy, as this love didn’t involve anyone else but myself. I truly believed that being in love meant being wrapped up in someone, preferably a partner, preferably you—back when you were my world. But this month, love looked Read More…
I remember the night you told me you were bipolar. You said it so casually as if you were telling me your favourite colour, and I, in my ignorance, didn’t think much of it. I had never heard the term before—not in a way that made it real. I thought it was just a word, Read More…
I never thought I’d say this, but here we are. After all these months, I finally got it. You told me yourself, right before you walked away and never looked back. You said, “I’m a narcissist, but you’ll never understand.” I didn’t understand that day, but I do now. And let me tell you, learning Read More…
It’s Valentine’s Day, and many people are paired up in red and white. Gifts and flower shops are making a killing, and social media is filled with declarations of love. I, however, am here, writing to you. Again. Writing this letter on Valentine’s Day felt like writing a love letter but this is not a Read More…
Throughout our relationship and my attempts at dating when it ended, I used to think love was supposed to hurt. Or at least feel a little painful. I thought if it didn’t make me anxious, if I wasn’t walking on eggshells, or if I wasn’t constantly proving myself, then maybe it wasn’t real love. You Read More…
Valentine’s Day is approaching, and I am proud of my new state of mind. At first, I was surprised, I wondered if I was pretending to feel good when Valentine’s days are always filled with gloom and what could have been. Valentine’s Day used to be the worst day of all the celebratory days in Read More…
I had a big breakthrough in therapy last week and all my journaling assignments kept taking me back to our relationship. I know we agreed that my being 12 years older than you wasn’t a big deal (and maybe it wasn’t) but last week’s session and inquiry revealed that it is a big deal for Read More…
An interesting thing happened the other day. Bimpi and I were strolling to the Chinese place down my street and it grew really cold. As we hurried back into my house, I put on a sweater and she asked if I had another. Before I could answer, her eyes and mine met your sweater hanging Read More…
Last night, I dreamt I was pregnant with your child. The irony or is it suppressed memory? I remember being pregnant with your child – what I thought was going to be our first child – and wishing you’d want it as much as I did. The dream felt so real, that I almost felt Read More…