When it comes to qualities to look out for in friendships, it is very important to seek out values you hold dear—values you cannot compromise.
Time and experience have a way of teaching us what is important to us and what to hold dear.
We also learn hard lessons when we ignore red flags and proceed, only to get our fingers burnt.
I remember a nasty experience I had some years ago, and after everything, I realised the fault came from me. I didn’t do proper vetting as I should have done, and so I brought into my space someone who didn’t qualify to get so close to me.
So what are some of these standards you shouldn’t compromise? I’m a Christian, and so Christian values are a necessary ingredient for inner-circle friendship. That’s number one. Friends who would hold your hands and pray, counsel, and celebrate with you are a beautiful thing. We have the Word guiding us and His Spirit leading us. This is the foundation that inner-circle friendships are based on. With time, even your children can easily bond with their children and grow from there.
Another thing that is important to me as a reader is a friend who also reads. It was frustrating for me one time with this girl who not only didn’t read but was happily and proudly announcing the fact that she didn’t read, hated long texts, and couldn’t be bothered by them.
As a singer, even if you can’t sing, appreciate and have an ear for good music. Music, they say, is food for the soul. Anyone who doesn’t care about music can never be my friend. Never—with a capital N.
Loyalty. It is important for me to never doubt where one’s loyalty lies. I should always be able to tell where one stands on issues. I don’t believe in being neutral or sitting on the fence. Everyone has to pick a side.
Listener. A good friend listens. It’s one thing to hear, it’s another to listen. They’re usually very attentive, and so communication is usually easy with them. They hear what you say and what you don’t say. They read between the lines and understand those unspoken words. Have you been friends with a bad listener? I don’t need to ask how it turned out. Bad listener and friendship = oil and water.
Contentment. In today’s world, contentment is key. Where there’s so much covetousness, with everyone wanting what others have, appreciating where you are, how far you’ve come, and still looking with high hopes and expectations to where you are going is one key to happiness. Trust me when I say you don’t want to be friends with someone who isn’t happy with their life.
Honesty, Integrity, Dependability, Trustworthiness. I’ll lump these four together. We know what they mean. These four qualities are what can make you go to sleep knowing your friends can be counted on at all times. When the Bible says, “A virtuous woman, who can find?” I always like to ask, “A great friend, who can find?”
What is your benchmark for friendship?
— Joy Mfon Essien is an entrepreneur and the CEO of Discover Essence Media, Millionaire Woman Soapworks, and Delicioso Foods. She is also a writer, TV presenter and producer, wellness coach, and mom of two.
