This topic is a very deep one. It is both a process and a journey, but I will attempt to scratch the surface today.
Many things in life constantly demand our time and attention, and we keep giving of ourselves until we are spread thin with nothing left to give.
A lot of times, a life experience shakes the foundation on which we have built our lives and throws us curve balls—curve balls we can turn into learning curves if we decide to. These experiences range from betrayal to divorce, to feelings of unfulfillment, loss of a loved one, or even empty nests.
Most times, these wake-up calls come as very rude jolts back to reality. Other times, they are quiet realisations. They almost always mark the end of a season and the beginning of another.
First things first: no matter how much we detest this phase, we cannot run away from or avoid these emotions. We must go through it. It is necessary that we do not skip this stage, or life will keep bringing us back to it.
The next stage is going back to where you think you lost it—and acceptance. A conversation with a friend once helped me recover from anger. I was angry with myself, my choices, and the things I should never have accepted but did.
That conversation took me back in time to the choices I had made. I realised I made those choices from my limited options at the time. This helped me take responsibility, be kinder to myself, and also forgive myself. This second stage was perhaps the most important for me. It helped every other thing fall into place.
Another time, a friend asked me what I liked, what made me happy, what I wanted. At the time, I couldn’t think of an answer because I didn’t know. Each time I thought about it, I came up blank. She told me to take all the time I needed and that it would come. It turned out to be a journey of over two years—a journey of rediscovery. But it was well worth it. I learned more about myself and began to remember who I was and what I loved.
After this discovery, my next step was going back to those things I loved. This would not be comfortable initially. Some things you will struggle with because you have been away from them for a long time. Be patient. Keep at it.
With others, you will realise it is not the same again and that you have actually outgrown them. These ones, you accept, cherish the memories, and move on.
Sometimes, you will explore things you have always been curious about—something new, exciting, and refreshing. For me, it was skills acquisition I decided to gift myself. I learned how to make things that I eventually built a business around. I made money. It was fun.
Finally, heal. Let it go—the hurt, the pain, the disappointment, and all. You don’t need them on this new journey. There’s a future to look forward to. No baggage should follow you there. Live. Laugh. Love.
Joy Mfon Essien is an entrepreneur and the CEO of Discover Essence Media, Millionaire Woman Soapworks, and Delicioso Foods. She is also a writer, TV presenter and producer, wellness coach, and mom of two.
