I have been given gifts at various times in my life but some of them stand out the most, to this day. Interestingly, these gifts have no serious financial weight but turned out to be the most thoughtful. I remembered the first time I had shawarma. It was in a friend’s car. He bought it and hurriedly drove to where I was staying at the time and handed it over to me. According to him, he wanted me to eat it while it was still hot. This made me realise some people have the ability to make seemingly meaningless things become a big deal. Because I ate it like it was the holy grail.
Other times, a gift shows that the giver has taken the time and effort to study you and learned about your interests, desires and what’s important to you. As a reader, I have books in my library that are mostly bought by me. Anyone gifting me a book or books, has earned a special place in my heart, especially when it’s by some of my favorite writers. One of my most treasured collections are by ‘Guideposts’ and they were given to me by a thoughtful friend.
I love good music. I sing, too. I remember in my university days, I loved a particular artiste so much that I scored so many of her songs and sang them at events. I had a friend who knew this and took it upon himself to always buy me her albums. CDs are no longer in vogue but I still have them. Another did a compilation of my favorite songs for me. I still play them to this day.
Giving gifts say a lot about the giver and receiver. I remember walking into a friend’s room and seeing a pencil portrait of her and I instantly knew the giver was a love interest. Gifts are a very powerful tool of communication and for nurturing relationships. And the more information you have about a person, the easier it is to find them the right gift.
To be a better giver, these 3 rules must be applied:
1. Prioritize the receiver’s interests, needs, preferences and values and not yours. Imagine gifting a Muslim boss, alcoholic beverages because you want to impress him and you’re a heavy drinker. We all know you won’t be getting any thank you from him.
2. Think beyond material gifts. Gifts can be a thoughtful gesture or an amazing experience. I remember a friend who helped me type my university project for free when I had no money to pay for it. He typed it, printed it and did the binding. Till his passing years later, I never stopped thanking him for that kind gesture.
3. Be mindful of the occasion and relationship. The type of gift should be appropriate for the relationship and context. If a man out of the abundance of joy and happiness in his heart, decides to gift his wife’s friend undies for her birthday, you know he definitely has some explaining to do. Or it’s a neighbor’s child’s birthday and you’re gifting the innocent 10 year old tickets to a concert where the music is loud, lyrics are lewd, and the high chances of seeing nude girls on stage… Come on.
Gifts say a lot about the giver, too. I remember a love interest once bought 2 manicure sets. Gifted me the common one that was sold by every mallam in the market and gifted his course mate the really beautiful golden one that was probably bought in a boutique. Remember I was the supposed love interest. I accepted it gracefully but I also learned a thing about this person’s personality and I never took them seriously. And no, there wasn’t anything going on between them. I just didn’t deserve to get that quality. Lol
The worst givers remain those who only give you what they like or what they would also benefit from. And then the lowest of the low, are those who come back to take what they gave you when you have a fall out. These ones, even if the relationship improves, don’t ever accept anything from them. For your dignity and self-worth’s sake, don’t.
- Joy Mfon Essien is an Entrepreneur and the CEO, of Discover Essence Media, Millionaire Woman Soapworks and Delicioso Foods. Writer, TV presenter and producer, Wellness Coach and mom of two.
