Dear Ex BF,
I just left my office end-of-year party and you are on my mind again. Actually you have been on my mind all day. It started this morning as I got ready. I couldn’t help but think about the last was-of-year party I invited you to.
Do you remember that night? The one where you met the woman who would become your first wife?
The one where I realized, in the harshest way possible, that I wasn’t the center of your world.
That evening started out like I imagined. I was so proud to introduce you to all my colleagues – my boyfriend I couldn’t stop talking about – in the flesh.
I introduced you to my colleagues, thinking you’d fit in perfectly. And for a while, you did. But then she walked in and you couldn’t help yourself.
I saw the way your eyes lit up, the way you straightened your posture and stopped hearing the words coming out of my mouth. I thought it was just me because you were subtle at first, but before the end of the night, you didn’t bother pretending anymore.
You followed her around the party like a lost puppy, finding reasons to be near her.
The few times you were with me, your eyes kept wandering in her direction, so much so that I could tell you had checked out.
I still remember testing you, just to see if you were paying attention. “I think I’ll go kiss the DJ,” I said, waiting for some kind of reaction. You didn’t even flinch. All I got was a bland, “Okay.”
Your eyes were glued to her the entire time.
I wanted to say something, to pull you aside and tell you how small I felt in that moment. But I didn’t.
I was afraid you’d call me insecure or accuse me of overreacting. So I stayed silent, even though my instincts were screaming at me.
I felt the shift between us that night, and I felt a magnetic pull between you and her.
A few weeks later, when you left me for her, I wasn’t even surprised. Heartbroken, yes, but not surprised.
I had seen it coming, and yet, done nothing to stop it. Looking back, I wonder what I should have done differently. Should I have confronted you? Should I have walked away that night and spared myself the humiliation of watching you fall for someone else right in front of me?
Maybe.
The truth is, that night taught me something I hadn’t learned: to trust my instincts. I knew, deep down, that something had changed the moment you met her. I could feel it in the way you looked at her, the way you spoke to her, the way your attention lingered on her.
Instead of trusting myself, I doubted my feelings. I let my fear of being “too much” keep me quiet.
But today, as I got ready for this year’s party, I realized how far I’ve come since that night. For the first time, I felt a sense of relief—not because I was going to the party without you, but because I was going to a party where I could truly be present – No overthinking, no competing for anyone’s attention, no feeling like I had to prove my worth.
Just me, surrounded by colleagues who value me for who I am.
I didn’t feel invincible today, what I felt was enough. Enough to show up, enjoy myself, and know that my worth isn’t tied to whether or not a man chooses me.
In a strange way, I’m beginning to accept that all things happen for my good. Even this—this relationship that broke my heart in ways I didn’t think possible.
Experiencing you taught me to trust myself, to stop waiting for someone else to validate my feelings or my place in their life. And for that, I am grateful.
Confession – I did a little happy dance when your marriage to her ended. I don’t think it was ever meant to be.
Cheers,
Your ex-girlfriend
- Dear Ex-Boyfriend” is a fictional relationship column written by Ese Walter, reflecting on past experiences with a fictional ex. Readers are encouraged to share their own stories by submitting letters for possible publication. Submissions can be sent to esewalter@gmail.com
