Dear Ex-Boyfriend,
I had a major breakthrough in therapy this week. Not like my therapy journey is any of your business but this particular breakthrough has to do with us…. Well, with you. It has to do with you.
I have been angry at you and for the longest time, I have blocked out any good parts of our relationship from my memory. I forced myself to focus on the things you did wrong: how you betrayed my trust, how you married someone else while I was still picking up the pieces.
I tried to forget how I used to smile when you walked into the room, how my body would tingle when you touched me and how the world seemed brighter when we were together.
I couldn’t allow myself think about those good times but, in therapy this week, I learned that you can miss something and not want it back. At first, it didn’t make sense. How could I miss something and not want it back. How could I miss you and those good times and not want you back?
As I journaled the other morning, it clicked. I don’t want you back yet I miss you.
This week I had to relive three things I miss about you and really allow myself feel all the feelings that came up and they were really good feelings.
I miss how you surprised me with your thoughtfulness like that time when my mom was in the hospital, and I couldn’t be there because I was stuck traveling home from school. You visited her, and I remember how you almost stayed overnight to make sure she was okay.
I miss how you helped me when I was struggling with my studies. I’ll never forget that time I was drowning in my law school work and couldn’t grasp the concepts of trial law. You didn’t just give me the answers. You broke it down for me, made it fun, even. You set up a mock moot court and walked me through the process until I finally got it.
And then there’s the way you made me laugh. You had a way of lightening the mood, making even the toughest days feel a little easier. I can still remember how we’d talk for hours about everything and nothing at all. How we’d joke around, and somehow, the world felt a little less heavy. I miss that comfort—knowing I could be myself with you, and you don’t judge me for it.
So, yes, I miss you. I miss those moments when you made me feel seen, understood, and cared for in ways no one else could. And while I miss all these things and you, I don’t want you back.
I’m learning that missing you doesn’t make me weak or foolish. It means I’m human. It means I had something real with you. And finally, it’s something I can now let go of.
As the year ends, I’m learning to hold onto the good parts of us while letting go of the parts that no longer serve me.
I don’t need you to be in my life to honour what we shared.
I can let go and still carry the love with me.
Ah! I’m at peace with this.
I can miss you and still move on.
Wishing you bliss,
Your Ex-GF.
- Dear Ex-Boyfriend” is a fictional relationship column written by Ese Walter, reflecting on past experiences with a fictional ex. Readers are encouraged to share their own stories by submitting letters for possible publication. Submissions can be sent to esewalter@gmail.com
