I just got back from a slumber party, and it was all shades of fun. Every woman was present. Young, younger and youngest cos I don’t want to use the word ‘old.’ We had single women, married, divorced and widowed. About 40 women under one roof. I haven’t laughed and giggled as hard as I did last night. It was indeed medicine for the soul. We played, danced, sang, yabbed, goofed around, played games, prayed together and had deep soul conversations. I’m lying on my bed now and relieving everything with a smile on my face. And to think I didn’t want to go. Or rather, I wasn’t so certain I would attend.
My daughter gave me the push. She said, “You should go. You’re always home with us. Just one night of fun. We’ll be fine.” So, I rushed to shop for nice pyjamas that morning and I started looking forward to the outing. My daughter helped me pack. She reminded me to pack a toothbrush, travel-size toothpaste and body lotion. And then my phone charger. I didn’t think I needed them until she mentioned it.
When I got back this morning, she was on my bed asking for gist about how it all went. Cos now, she’s thinking of organising one with her friends.
Starting and building a family has a way of isolating us as women, if we’re not careful. Being a caregiver has no start time and stop time. It’s around the clock and so it’s very easy to get lost doing these things. You could lose yourself, goals, and dreams in the process and it can be sad.
One of the things I have learned to prioritise is hanging out occasionally, with my gender. Great things happen when women gather. Once we overcome petty issues like beef, gossip, and negative vibes. there’s no limit to what we can achieve as a group and as individuals.
And why is this gathering important? It is to fan the flame in us and supercharge ourselves. To remind ourselves of the things that are important to us. Our health, personal goals and ambition, marriages, families, etc. and to give us that push we need to pursue that thing we desired but weren’t too sure how to go about it.
Some who took time out to raise kids are now ready to go back to the workforce. Others were encouraged to build themselves to become the best they can be. While others are more focused now with clarity and purposefulness to continue pushing.
You know once you’ve married and started having kids, especially in our part of the world, it’s easy to feel old. Society also makes us feel old. We feel too big and stuff like that. But not so. Age should never be a deciding factor in whether to pursue dreams or not. That dream to travel Europe or Asia, or the Mediterranean is still valid. That dream to learn a foreign language is still valid. That dream to pursue a master’s degree or PhD is very valid. That dream to learn that skill or start that business is still valid. That dream to write that book is still valid. If you couldn’t achieve it before and during caregiving days, who says you cannot do it after, when the kids are all grown and beginning to leave the nest one after the other?
A friend, when she turned 40, cut her hair, picked up master’s form and went back to school. Another pursued a lifelong passion in shoe making and is now exporting shoes to Europe and the U.S.
The past year has been a journey for me. I now look at years to come with anticipation because I have a list of things I want to achieve, and I’ve already intentionally started ticking them one after the other. On that list, I have plans to take scriptwriting classes so I can write movies. Music school is also on that list. I sing. But I’m looking at Opera and classical music this time around. I have a wild side. You can tell from my hairstyle. This wild side has always dreamed of jumping out of a helicopter with a parachute. There’s more on my list. What’s on yours? Get a journal and start writing these things down.
As long as you’re still breathing, it’s never too late to make your dreams come true and it’s easier this time, I think. Because the older we get, the more we know what we want out of life. I leave you with this story from Louise Hay:
“My own life didn’t begin to have meaning until my mid 40’s when I started teaching. At 50, I began my publishing company on a very small scale. At 55, I ventured into the world of computers, taking classes and overcoming the fear of them. At 60, I had my first garden and had become an avid organic farmer growing her own food. At 70, I entered a children’s art class and totally changed my handwriting.
At 75, I had graduated to adult class and started selling my paintings. At 76, I started yoga and took up ballroom dancing. I will keep on until the day I leave this planet.”
- Joy Mfon Essien is an Entrepreneur and the CEO, of Discover Essence Media, Millionaire Woman Soapworks and Delicioso Foods. Writer, TV presenter and producer, Wellness Coach and mom of two.
