I was bullied in school. Primary school. At different times by different people. I really didn’t know why or how it started but I noticed the granddaughter of the proprietress picked on me. She’d walk up to me and quickly throw me a punch in my tummy, look around quickly before running away. The pain sent shock waves straight to my brain, so intense that I’d be motionless for a few seconds before bending over to scream. All the other kids feared her ‘cos somehow, we felt as the granddaughter to the owner of the school, she had superpowers. She was in the same class as me. I think this was in the lower primary. Either Pry 1 or 2.
Another time she did it again and ran away before my elder brother who was playing football at the other side of the field could get to me. Somehow, I also didn’t know I could report. Our teachers used a cane in class. If they didn’t believe you, you could be flogged because who would dare to report the proprietress’ granddaughter?
“Your child should never for a second, doubt that you will always rise to defend them. This seemingly little fact is the stuff self-confidence in children is made of.”
One day, while at home, I just decided I had had enough and would treat her to her folly. The day came. School closed and I had just come out of my class and was skipping happily down the stairs when I saw her coming up. She had that wicked grin on her face and was getting ready to do her usual when, without missing a beat, and with all the strength I could muster, I gave her a powerful punch on her cheek. It caught her off guard, she almost toppled over but she caught herself in time. The shock on her face was delicious to watch. She wasn’t expecting that at all. I was clenching my fist, ready to go again, if she was up for more but she ran away. That was the last time she ever came close to me, and as I also observed, close to any other kid in school.
The second bully happened much later. Not sure of the class now. As is the case with Relational Aggression, she was a queen bee. Beautiful, popular in school and loved by teachers. If you watched the movie “Mean Girls” you would understand this character better. She hated me for no reason and got her group of girls to share in her hatred. Came close to throwing a punch a few times but probably saw she wouldn’t get away with it as I had learned from the previous bully that I could fight back. Thankfully, she left school suddenly and I was eternally free.
With these experiences, it’s easy to tell why I could easily tell my son was being bullied in the school bus just by noticing the tense body language whenever he was boarding. I started asking questions and my suspicion was confirmed. I tackled that one on the spot and also taught my kids not to let anyone intimidate them. They could always speak up and mommy was their best friend.
Your child should never for a second, doubt that you will always rise to defend them. This seemingly little fact is the stuff self-confidence in children is made of.
Every parent seems to not want their children to be bullied but none ever admits or cares to check if their child is ‘The’ bully. Parents need to ask direct questions. A concerned parent says she asks her daughter after welcoming her back from school, “Did anyone bully you today?” I’d take this a step further and ask, “Did you bully anyone today?” This way we’re letting a bully know it is wrong. If they say yes, you address it from there. Sometimes, these issues stem from the parents.
A known bully in a school here in Abuja was disciplined a few days ago by the head teacher. Mom came the next day to fight the teacher. That wasn’t enough. Dad also came with soldiers and beat the head teacher to a pulp. The head teacher sustained injuries and was rushed to hospital where he died. You can now see where the son learned bullying from. His parents. The story was all over the radio. Sad.
Types of bullying include:
- Verbal Abuse (name calling, insults).
- Relational Aggression (slander, set up, scandal, gossip, rumours).
- Serial bullying (fake friends are found here. Angelic on the outside, cold and mean on the inside).
- Prejudicial Bullying (based on race, religion, or sexual orientation) oftentimes easily leads to hate crimes.
- Sexual Bullying (Slut shaming, vulgar gestures, inappropriate moves) oftentimes can easily lead to sexual assault.
These are only a few I just mentioned. There’s more. I’m only scratching the surface. We need to teach our kids to be kind to each other. And that bullying is not acceptable. Bullying can lead to anxiety, depression, poor academics…even suicide in extreme cases. Parents, school authorities and students should learn to recognise it even in its most hidden form.
- Joy Mfon Essien is an Entrepreneur and the CEO, of Discover Essence Media, Millionaire Woman Soapworks and Delicioso Foods. Writer, TV presenter and producer, Wellness Coach and mom of two.
