Diary of a single mum
When a single woman is dressed up and out for a fun time, they say it’s okay because she could meet her potential husband at a social gathering. When it is a single mother, they ask “shouldn’t she be at home with her child/children? What is she doing going out at night? Why should she dress like this? Who is with her child? See the type of car dropping her at home. Did she sleep in her house or did she sleep out? Instead of her to keep herself so that a man can manage to marry her…” Oh, the words…
Late in 2019, I started wearing a beaded bracelet on my right ankle (a gift from my boss on her trip from Morocco). I knew that the usual remarks would erupt in my estate and at first, I had second thoughts about wearing it. But one day, I was walking down my street to my house and I heard 2 boys, in their mid or late twenties, talking about girls in general. I didn’t pay attention at first until I heard, “…I hate that one eh. Girls wey dey wear chain for leg no get home training, na ashawo. Even those ones wey dey wear beads too, all na ashawo them be, useless people”. I had gotten to my gate and right there, I said, “F*@$ what anybody thinks about me. My style, my choice.”
By 2021, I was rocking waist beads and a tattoo. I wore clothes that were breezy and comfortable, which meant showing some skin. I remember one person saying to me that I am too sexy and I should tone it down. I asked why, and they said because I am a mother; I am Mummy D, so I should dress like a mother. I laughed so hard that they became offended at the fact that I wasn’t thrown off by their comment. Another one said, “dress the way you want to be addressed, you don’t know who is looking at you to make you his wife but will be discouraged by how you look and you know time is not on your side”. One other person said, “leave these styles and dressing for young girls, you’re a woman and a mother..”
When I became a mom and dressed up according to society’s “standards”, people talked. When I started dressing the way I loved and wanted, they still talked. When I wasn’t dating, they talked. When I started going on dates, they talked. When I hired a nanny, oh, they talked and a few neighbours and friends questioned my choice. Some said I was a lazy mom with too much money to throw in the bush, some said I was not concerned enough for my child. Some others said it is because I want to become a “runs girl” and “going out” with Lagos men.
At some point, I said “f*@$ this” and avoided conversations or run-ins that result in remarks like these because I realized that people won’t stop talking and I am not living for anyone. Na pikin I born, I no kee person. That I am a mother doesn’t mean that I can’t live a little if I can afford it.
All these negative and depressing comments got to me at first but they eventually made me become more confident in myself, my status and my choices.
- Omonefe, a single mom of one, is a social entrepreneur who strives to balance work and personal life in the bustling city of Lagos while writing short stories of lived experiences as a single mom.
