Recently, my boss sent me a video clip made by Nigeria’s popular Nollywood actor cum philanthropist, Williams Uchemba where he called the attention of parents to something he said is becoming a norm in schools, especially in the western world.
According to him, most teachers in some schools abandon the job they were employed to do which is to educate their students and begin to programme the minds of the students on gender matters. They teach them that they can choose to either be male or female. That is, a child who is a female can decide that she no longer wants to be a female and then switch to the other gender of being a male and a male can do likewise if he chooses to no longer be identified as a male.
In that video, he also talked about how some of the teachers also indoctrinate their students that it is okay if they also choose to be non-binary, meaning they can decide that they don’t want to be male or female.
Though it was a short video clip and my boss had instructed that I do a more detailed write-up on the subject for our THURSDAY LAGOS METROPOLITAN FAMILY & KIDS EDITION to enlighten our readers, especially parents on how they can shield their wards from this menace that is already spreading so fast across the world.
But in all honesty, after watching the clip, I was so shocked to my bone marrow that I could not even put myself together to scribble down anything let alone do an encyclopedic piece. It took me days, if not weeks to be able to put down my thoughts into this writing.
So, in this week’s edition of LAGOS METROPOLITAN FAMILY & KIDS SEGMENT, I will be dissecting the issue of gender dysphoria because that is the major cause of people transitioning from binary to non-binary. Whether we as a people, and especially as Africans like it or not, this ABNORMALITY has come to stay, hence; instead of fighting it blindly or trying to pretend as though these things do not exist, we should actually start having a conversation about it as we make effort to stay abreast of developments. YOU CAN NOT SOLVE A PROBLEM YOU ARE NOT AWARE OF.
I have noticed that sometimes when certain issues of concerns such as these are brought up, some people/youths/parents tend to approach it with an ‘I don’t care attitude’. Such people, usually have this mindset of ‘it can never be me or it can never be my child’ kind of attitude. And most times, this nonchalant outlook is what gets some people into bigger trouble.
If you are a parent, an aspiring parent, or a young person who desires a bright future for yourself and your children, then you need to read this piece with rapt attention. In order to understand why I need you to treat this particular edition of the Family & Kids segment with utmost seriousness, join me as I ride you through the land of IMAGINATION. Let’s just imagine what it would feel like to be in this kind of situation. Doing this will help you understand why you must never think that this subject is not your cup of tea.
Now, as a parent, imagine that your 16-year-old child whom you birthed as a female, I mean a complete female with all the female sex organs in place, returns home from school one fateful day with her face as long as a fiddle, greets you dispassionately and walks straight into her room and begins to sob helplessly.
After calming her down, you ask what the problem is only for your little pretty damsel to tell you that she has finally reconnected with her true identity which you tried to deny her from birth by tagging her a female.
Then while you are swimming in the ocean of confusion, she sends a bolt from the blue with her next line, “Mum/dad, I am not a female. I am a male trapped in the body of a female. Mum/dad, from today upwards I want you to buy me only male outfits and send me to an all-boys school because I don’t belong to this all-girls school that you enrolled me in.”
Just as you are trying to wrap your head around the whole scenario, suddenly she throws another bombshell, “that’s not all, mummy/daddy when I am fully grown and start earning, I will undergo surgery to get rid of these things growing on my chest that you people call breasts.”
Again, imagine that your son does the same and says to you “mum/dad, I have been living a lie, I am not a male but a female trapped in a male body, mum/dad, when I grow up and start earning, I will undergo some surgeries to make myself look feminine.”
Just while you think it is all a joke, your child begins to passionately hate anything related to his/her true gender, and before your very eyes, your cute little child begins to identify with the opposite gender. These are the people often referred to as TRANSGENDER.
NOW, THIS IS THE AREA I WANT TO FOCUS ON IN THIS WRITE-UP. Imagine again that your daughter/son walks up to you and says, “mum/dad, I just realised that I am neither a male nor a female. I am non-binary because I don’t belong to any gender, mum/dad, I am not a boy and I am equally not a girl, I am not just a transgender, I am genderless. Meaning I am non-binary.”
That’s abysmal, right?
If only imagining this scenario infuriates you, then imagine what it would really feel like being faced with the situation in real life. The truth is, you can learn how to protect your child(ren) from this utter craziness that is gradually drowning many folks.
Now, from our imagination ride above, I am sure you already know to a certain level what non-binary means, but in case you did not fully grasp it, let me elucidate.
WHAT IS NON-BINARY?
Non-binary, also referred to as NB, enby, or agender is someone who believes that he or she does not fit into the binary category of male and female (boy or girl, man or woman, son or daughter). They believe they don’t belong to any of the binary categories and as such hate to be addressed or identified with anything feminine or masculine, usually because of gender dysphoria.
The male and female gender is known as binary while those who claim they are not male or female are called non-binary. Non-binary people are a subset of transgender.
WHAT IS GENDER DYSPHORIA?
Gender dysphoria is a situation whereby a person feels uneasy and dissatisfied with their gender. For instance, when a male feels uncomfortable about being a male and feels more comfortable behaving like a female, wearing female outfits, or being addressed as a female. It is also a situation whereby a person feels that he/she does not belong to either the male or female binary.
FACTS ABOUT NON-BINARY INDIVIDUALS
NON-BINARY PEOPLE ARE NOT BORN WITHOUT ORGANS: When I came across this phrase initially, I said to myself, okay, maybe non-binary people are people born without male or female sexual organs for some medical reasons. Because as far as I know, there are only two genders that God created, which are male and female; and these people couldn’t have been born with any other sexual organs aside from those of male and female. This was why I concluded that perhaps, there might be a medical reason that they must have been born without any of the binary organs.
Unfortunately, as I began to research the subject, I read different pieces on Google and watched some YouTube videos including a TedX talk of a young non-binary. I was shocked to realise that non-binary people were actually people born with either male or female genitalia but suddenly felt they were not comfortable living as the gender they were born with.
SO, IT IS A PROVEN FACT THAT NON-BINARY PEOPLE WERE BORN WITH A SPECIFIC SEX ORGAN AS MALE OR FEMALE. They were not born genderless and they didn’t come into this world with different kinds of sex organs aside from the male or female organs.
MALE or FEMALES WHO TRANSITIONED TO NON-BINARY GOT CONFUSED ABOUT THEIR IDENTITY AT SOME POINT: Even though many of them claim that they are not confused, the truth is, non-binary people are individuals who got entangled in some kind of gender dysphoria and identity crisis at some point in their lives, mostly during their early teenage years.
I have at least read a lot of comments and watched some videos from enbies, and one thing that is common with all of them was the fact that they all admitted to being confused about who they were during teenagehood. And funnily enough, the majority of them are even more confused as non-binaries, even though they will not agree that they are, but they do not need to agree for the truth to be true. LOL.
For instance, Tyler Ford, an American non-binary and transgender activist who was born a female and raised as a female, said that during her teenage years she had gender dysphoria, she always felt really uncomfortable in the female body and was irritated whenever she was addressed as a ‘she’, so she transitioned to become a male transgender, yet whenever people referred to her as a ‘he’ it was as though something didn’t feel right, she kept up with her research until she stumbled upon who she ‘truly’ was which according to her was non-binary. She started another transition from transgender to non-binary. Imagine such confusion. Today you are a female, tomorrow you say you are no longer a female but a male, then the day after you claim that you are no longer a male or a female. That’s confusion personified.
MOST NON-BINARY PEOPLE HATE BEING ADDRESSED AS A HE OR SHE: They would rather be addressed as ‘they’ ‘them’ ‘their’ etc. rather than being addressed with the pronoun he/she/him/her.
They would rather you address them as HUMAN rather than ‘woman’ or ‘man’, as PERSON rather than Mr. Mrs. Sir, Ma, Madam, etc.
They also prefer you refer to them as CHILD instead of ‘daughter’ or ‘son’ and SIBLING instead of ‘brother’ or ‘sister’. This is because according to them, they are not male or female, but they are just floating around somewhere.
NON-BINARY PEOPLE DO NOT HAVE A PARTICULAR WAY OF DRESSING: They usually like to dress in a confusing manner, such that people cannot easily identify them with any of the binary male/female genders.
Remember I said earlier that they hate being seen as male or female so their aim when it comes to dressing is to appear in such a way that you will be wondering within yourself whether this person is a male or female. They don’t want you to easily place them with the binary.
They can choose to mix colours in unimaginable ways, they can also combine male and female clothing, and sometimes they can choose to switch between male and female outfits. If confusion was a person. LoL.
SOME NON-BINARY PEOPLE UNDERGO SEX REASSIGNMENT SURGERIES: Like in the case of Tyler Ford that I mentioned earlier, when she was transitioning from a female to male, she underwent some hormone replacement procedures that made her begin to grow some hairs on her face like a male.
Because most of them hate being identified with any of the binary genders they go through surgeries to have their genitals removed. While some remove their breast completely, others use, binding to suppress their breast.
SOME PEOPLE WHO TRANSITIONED FROM THE FEMALE BINARY TO NON-BINARY UNDERGO HYSTERECTOMY TO STOP THEIR MENSTRUAL FLOW FOREVER: This is a kind of surgery where the uterus (womb) is removed completely.
Though being non-binary is not the only reason why people have such surgeries, however, some non-binaries have also seen it as an opportunity to stop reminding themselves every month that they are female.
MOST NON-BINARY PEOPLE USUALLY GROW UP HATING THEIR BODIES (SEXUAL ORGANS/SHAPES/MENSTRUATION): People who are treading the non-binary path usually have a passionate hatred for their bodies. I once stumbled upon a comment from a lady on YouTube who said she hates her curves because she believes that she isn’t a female.
HOW TO KNOW IF YOUR CHILD HAS A NON-BINARY TENDENCY AND HOW TO HELP THE CHILD SNAP OUT OF IT
A STRONG DESIRE TO BE TREATED LIKE THE OPPOSITE GENDER: When you have a male child who always wants to be treated like a female or a female who always wants to be treated like a male, then you have to watch out for that child the more.
Let me make it more relatable with this illustration. If your son always cries that you wear him his sister’s gown that might be a sign, though this might not be true for everybody, however, if as the child is growing he continues with that you have to start deliberately indoctrinating the boy to understand that he is a male and not a female.
A STRONG HATRED FOR HIS OR HER BODY: This is common with non-binary individuals, they started out hating their bodies, some hate their curves, and feminine/masculine look, while some go as far as hating their private parts to the point that they often wish they could cut it off.
If you have a child like this, always remind him/her of how pretty/cute they are. Don’t just say it to flatter them, mean it. As a matter of fact, this is why as apparent you need to learn how to compliment your children from an early stage, it will help them learn early how to love and appreciate themselves too, that way even when outsiders tries to tell them otherwise, it will be hard to convince them because their minds will interpret such information as a lie.
A STRONG HATRED FOR MONTHLY FLOW OR ANYTHING THAT REMINDS HER/HIM OF THEIR TRUE GENDER: Most girls usually feel irritable and uneasy at the thought of their menstrual period, however, if this feeling starts becoming intense to the point of depression or anxiety, then you need to watch out for that girl.
This is why I often encourage parents to prepare their kids for puberty. A child who is well prepared already knows what to expect and as such will be mentally and emotionally ready for the journey. But when a child is ill-prepared for puberty, in a bid to confide in peers, she might end up confiding in the wrong person and that can be detrimental. Help your child see menstruation as a thing of joy by preparing her properly for it.
Dear parents, the world is fast becoming the opposite of what we used to know decades ago. The things that used to be considered abominable in the past are gradually being celebrated in today’s world, hence; you cannot leave your parenting role to chance.
If there has ever been a period when parents should be serious about how they parent their kids, it is now. Don’t just heave a sigh of relief with the belief that it can never be your child, those parents whose children turned transgender and non-binary didn’t sign up for that, yet it happened.
This is why you need to become deliberate about indoctrinating your kids so that they can be able to easily spot a lie and flee from it.
Being a parent is not a joke, it is a serious calling, and that’s why you must never approach it with laxity.
Be informed, stay woke, and above all, stay prayerful.
- Ugoma Johnson is a journalist, published author of 3 books, a social worker, and founder, Teens Empowerment And Rehabilitation Centre (TercHub), a foundation that is saddled with the mandate to curb teenage pregnancy, illiteracy and period poverty, through transformational teachings, provision of school materials and sanitary pads for teenagers in ruler communities.
