The Mental Health Risks of Raising Emotionally Immature Children
A Promising Young Man
Ademuyiwa was the kind of young man many parents would proudly present as an example. By his early twenties, he was smart, tech-savvy, and financially independent long before most of his peers. While others were still asking for pocket money, he was already running online businesses and exploring digital trading ventures. His parents believed they had raised a resilient, capable son, confident that he could navigate the challenges of adulthood.
Then the first signs of struggle began to appear.
Mood swings grew more pronounced, social withdrawal became noticeable, and a sudden financial loss in high-risk trading shook his confidence profoundly. The collapse of a project he had invested in left him feeling helpless, and the emotional weight soon became unbearable. Not long after, he attempted to take his own life. He survived, and the family exhaled in relief, but their sense of safety was only temporary.
The Slow Descent
In the years that followed, the coping mechanisms he adopted became visible. Cannabis became a frequent companion, followed later by more potent stimulants, including crystal meth. Cravings intensified, personality changes became evident, and periods of emotional instability increasingly worried those around him.
A rehabilitation programme offered brief hope, yet relapse soon followed. His mother would often remark that he was “not himself,” and his father quietly questioned what might have been done differently.
The Hidden Developmental Gap
As a Developmental Psychologist and Family Therapist who works with urban Nigerian families, I see this pattern frequently. Parents invest heavily in academic achievement, intellectual growth, and early success, believing that competence in these areas will safeguard their children’s future.
While these accomplishments are important, they are only part of what sustains a person in adulthood. Skills such as emotional regulation, coping with disappointment, self-reflection, and resilience in the face of failure are often overlooked.
When Success Comes Without Emotional Scaffolding
Ademuyiwa’s early financial independence was, in many ways, a strength. Yet it also presented challenges. Without corresponding emotional scaffolding, the weight of responsibility and the pressure to succeed became overwhelming.
When a young person’s identity is built primarily on achievement and performance, setbacks are experienced not merely as mistakes but as threats to their very sense of self. A single financial loss did not only affect his bank account; it fractured his confidence, his self-worth, and his trust in his own abilities.
The Escape Through Substances
In this context, substances can appear as relief. Stimulants may offer temporary energy and confidence, while cannabis can numb feelings of shame or anxiety. What may start as a way to cope can slowly turn into dependency, further unsettling an already fragile emotional balance.
The Lagos Pressure Cooker
Urban life, especially in Lagos, compounds these vulnerabilities. Social media feeds constantly display wealth, “hustle culture,” and curated images of success. Young adults often measure themselves against these public displays, and any setback can feel intensely personal and exposed.
Without internal resilience and emotional coping skills, the pressure can drive some toward unhealthy escapes.
When Success Hides Fragility
Many parents are shocked when a child who “appears to be doing well” begins to struggle. Academic achievements and early financial success do not automatically translate into emotional maturity.
A young person may be able to calculate profit margins yet struggle to manage disappointment. He may trade currencies but lack the tools to process shame, fear, and failure.
Rethinking What Success Means
This is not about blame. It is about understanding developmental gaps.
When children are granted adult-level freedom too early, without the gradual building of emotional maturity, they may appear capable while remaining psychologically unprepared for the volatility of life. Businesses fail, relationships disappoint, and financial markets fluctuate. If a person’s identity is tightly bound to performance alone, the collapse can feel absolute.
Preparing Children for Life, Not Just Achievement
Families must broaden their definition of success. Beyond asking, “Is my child excelling?” we must also ask:
Can my child endure failure?
Can they manage emotional stress?
Do they know how to recover when life does not go as planned?
The shift begins there—with awareness, guidance, and intentional emotional preparation. It is in cultivating these skills that we can help young adults navigate life’s inevitable challenges with resilience, rather than with shame, avoidance, or dependency.
- Itunuoluwa Onifade is a developmental psychologist and a family life therapist.
