Diary of a single mum
Sometimes, I wonder, are new single moms considered sexy? Do they get to enjoy sex too or are their bodies just baby channels?
When I started dating this new guy I met eight months after my daughter was born, I was nervous about how he saw me. What did he really find attractive about me? I wondered. How would our intimate moments be? My new boyfriend, an incredibly attractive, slightly built, dark-skinned guy with tattoos on his forearm and neck, was one person I didn’t think would ask me to be his girlfriend. At this point, I was already battling with low self-esteem because of my stretch marks, cellulite and belly gut. So, how was I going to get to the point where I would be intimate with him? I shuddered at the thought of it as I told myself we won’t go beyond kissing. Who was I kidding? I was already craving some form of deep intimacy, passionate lovemaking, and I was feeling somewhat disconnected from my feminity to engage in self-gratification. Every time we met, we would only kiss and cuddle and then he would gently tell me to take my time until I was ready. Ah, that bobo was a sure boy.
So, three weeks after we started dating, I could not hold back any longer. It had been more than a year since I had any real opposite closeness and I had this really good-looking boyfriend who had the hots for me and was patiently waiting to pleasure me. I bought a shaving stick to begin the preparations for the “ceremony”. That day, I didn’t eat anything other than two slices of bread in the morning with coffee. I didn’t want any bowel movements disturbing this session and I also didn’t want my belly to be too pronounced from eating food that wasn’t as light as bread. After applying moisturizer to make my skin fresh, I bathed myself with my perfume and body spray, ensuring I rubbed some on both my ears, my wrists and between my thighs. I wore a sexy black new set of lace undies I bought, having retired a lot of the granny pants that I wore when I was pregnant. Satisfied with how I smelled and how I looked, I ordered a Bolt (back then, it was Taxify) and set off for his place.
He had ordered some food, jollof rice with plantain and barbecued chicken as well as pizza for us to eat. There were some cold bottles of soft drinks as well as a bottle of whiskey in the fridge but I opted for a bottle of Coke and sipped slowly as we sat in his sitting room and watched a movie. At this time, my heart was thumping and I wasn’t sure if it was from excitement or anxiety. It is just sex, I thought to myself, calm down and try to enjoy the process. He was sipping whiskey and I took two sips from his glass. That ought to do it, I said to myself, hoping my nerves would relax. As we cuddled, we began to kiss lovingly and slowly, I eased up and began to respond to all his touch. It’s happening o! My thoughts screamed at me as my whole body tingled to welcome him. I was so fixated on how the final event would be, hoping it won’t be a ‘swimming’ disaster. I thought as I began getting anxious again. I relaxed almost immediately as I shooed the thought away. I was now bracing up for the climax, that I had been fantasising about for months, that I had been waiting for and. then…it was over.
What?! As in, that’s all? I was disappointed but I wasn’t sure who or what I was disappointed in, me, him or my stupid expectations. I couldn’t wait to get back home and get on the phone to gist my bestie, Khadija, about my first intimate experience after birth. That was all? I wanted more. I hoped and longed for more but I was not getting that. But in less than 30 minutes, I had a quick change of mind as my boyfriend took me and my lady part to a whole different level. I was left with no time to think or process as my body felt like it was going through a rebirth of some kind. I didn’t even expect the multiple spasms, as my nails dug deep into his back from sheer pleasure and happiness.
As we struggled to catch our breaths, I let out a loud, “Thank you.” He chuckled and said, “My pleasure”. I was smiling and blushing so hard that I didn’t pay attention to when I got off the bed. I took a step and dropped to the ground. My legs were trembling! Like, my legs were so wobbly I couldn’t walk. We both laughed as I crawled back to the bed to rest awhile until my legs woke up.
I was back to being a full woman even as a mom. That I birthed a child didn’t mean the end of the road for me and I was happy that even though my body may have changed, it didn’t take away my attractive side and sexiness. It was all just in my head.
- Omonefe, a single mom of one, is a social entrepreneur who strives to balance work and personal life in the bustling city of Lagos while writing short stories of lived experiences as a single mom.
